LET´S TALK ABOUT SEX

A generation or two ago, many young people of African descent - both at home and abroad - lament their parents' prudish attitudes towards sex. Most of them grew up around parents who never displayed their affection for each other in front of them, parents who never talked to them about sex except to warn them to abstain before marriage or they would be disowned.

Sex was generally not spoken about in public, that is unless it was in socially sanctioned public spaces, but these spaces were very important. The spaces tended to be initiation ceremonies, where the youth officially became adults and had the knowledge and expectations of society imparted to them. Or they were marriage rites, in which pretty much the same thing happened. These initiation ceremonies were like schools in which the youth were taught society’s rules, culture and even history. The sexual aspect was just one part of it. This form of education took on various forms, but one similarity between them was that there were spaces where talking freely about sex was allowed. In these schools, young women would be shocked to see their grandmother talking openly about sex, praising a young woman’s breasts and thighs as attractive, or even going as far as demonstrating the kind of moves she enjoyed in bed. Boys would listen intently as their fathers and uncles advised them on the hazards of having too many mistresses, and teach them how to treat women and how to go about sexually pleasing themselves and women.

``In between learning about what counted as acceptable adult behaviour in their respective societies, young people would learn about sex not solely as a means of reproduction but as a means of pleasure. Students learned what was expected of them in marriages, they also learned how to use sexual enhancers such as waist beads and body decorations, food aphrodisiacs, knowledge of erogenous zones, rhythmic pelvic movements and even different styles of moaning.

Sexual knowledge was imparted through diverse means across the continent. In Mali, the magnonmaka joined the married couple on their wedding night to ensure that “intercourse proceeded smoothly”, while in Nigeria, the Itsekiri people had an older female relative supervise a girl’s first sexual encounter to ensure that the experience was pleasurable. Among the Kikuyu and Zulu, sexual knowledge was transmitted through songs and dances. A line from such a song in Akan goes “when my husband holds my hand and he leaves my hand and touches my breast, I get pleasure”. When it was not enough to sing sexually explicit songs, there were demonstrations with clay figurines. In some other societies, young women were given phallic objects to “practice with”.`` - I. Ujaama

When the Europeans colonized African countries, they labeled the initiation rites and the singing and dancing as “collective expressions of obscenity”.

Today, many young people of African descent have a different narrative to that of their parents and grandparents. We have somehow managed to sway the narrative of sexual talks only being confined to private spaces, to openly talking about sexuality, the pleasures that should come with sex, and most importantly, fertility.

In South African schools, every learner has Life Orientation as a subject from Primary School till we complete High School. Life Orientation is mainly about teaching learners about sexual organs, sexuality, STDs/STIs, and the many forms of contraceptives available. This has led parents to be less conservative about sex education, and society now openly talks about the pleasures of sex; whether with a same sex partner or a partner of the opposite sex.

It has become common to often hear our parents openly address matters such as sex (in marriage), and how and when it should be done – sometimes to even embarrass us.

Sex is such a common topic in our society that every second or third hit song is about sex i.e Sister Bettina, Umshove, Pash-pash, Shaya, etc. We often talk about and address sex and sexuality even on social media, and we have made everything involving/relating to sexuality acceptable. Is that good?? HELL YEAH! Why is that good? We are the most content society with the most content partners, which is why we fall within the countries with the lowest divorce rates in the world 😊 ; 17% compared to Germany with 44% and Luxembourg 87% - https://www.unifiedlawyers.com.au/blog/global-divorce-rates-statistics/

… and we all know that the secret to having a happy and successful partnership is knowing that GOOD SEX SOLVES EVERYTHING; it even makes xiTsonga men handsome AF, Xhosa women forget that money makes the world go around, and women generally forget to leave their polygamous and sometimes abusive husbands cause the strokes are flames.