IS THIS HOME...

-

Moving abroad is a great opportunity to get out of your comfort zone – this was the primary reason I wanted to leave South Africa.

The idea of moving abroad came when I was still in high school. I wanted to be an exchange student, but the thought of leaving my then 90(+) years old great-grandmother was daunting. When gogo passed away in 2011, the opportunity to move abroad presented itself once again, but I lost so much of myself at the time and was consumed by loss and growing up - I didn´t bother accepting the offer.
December 2016, I was at the peek of my youth and figured moving abroad would be great because I was single and childless. I decided the gateway to living the life I wanted was to obviously start with my studies, so I started looking for universities abroad. It´s also easier to get a student visa but you have to make sure that you have enough funds in your account or a scholarship. I fell in-love with a study centre (story for another day) on an Island in East Africa – YES YES YES! The Island is Mauritius.
I moved to Mauritius in September 2017, but Mauritius was unfortunately not as great as I had anticipated and I fell terribly homesick. I suffered from anxiety and depression due to my homesickness, but I didn´t know because who gets anxious or depressed in Mauritius?? I also had multiple episodes of BOLOYI (witchcraft!), and that obviously didn´t help with the homesickness. I eventually had a meltdown and finally moved back home in December 2017.

My experience in Mauritius did not stop me from moving on and ´trying again´. In August 2018 I moved to Germany! What an adventure because this is a semi-permanent move. All was great and I was super excited to be in Germany and finally wake up next to the man of my dreams forever. Homesickness was a myth – hahaha, what a joke my darling!
Although being in Germany is awesome and is the best decision I have made in my entire life, it is sometimes hard. It is not all sunshine and rainbows, although a big part of it is.
The part of Germany that we live in is almost a homogenous society, then you throw in a new language and completely different culture, pricing and weather, and it feels like you´ve jumped into the middle of the ocean.
I would get annoyed at everything! I wouldn´t even want to leave the house because the weather was annoying (laugh with me). The only friends I had made in Europe were my sister in-love and Lauren, but Lauren obviously doesn´t count because we have known each other from South Africa and she is based in the Netherlands. I can understand a bit of German because of my background with Afrikaans and basic German lessons, but I still cannot construct a full sentence in German besides `Ich bin fröhlich/traurig/müde´, Ich Liebe dich and darf ich eine(n) *whatever I want* haben´. I had stopped doing things that made me fröhlich because the rand-euro exchange rate will show you flames flames and more flames! I would literally go to the ATM to withdraw €100 or swipe one meal and BOOM! R1800 has been deducted from my credit card – what the actual F!? It´s no wonder these Europeans are all over Cape Town and the prime areas in Africa because they have never seen such cheap everything.
Ok, back to the topic… I yearned so much for home that I started comparing everything to South Africa – BIG MISTAKE! It got to a point where I compared cinemas and sound systems here to those in South Africa, and this annoyed the living daylight out of my man; one night his face turned red while we were driving back home from date night (makgoa cannot lie cause the face turns numerous shades of red). I would also compare stupid things like the way we sneeze and cough, and my man honestly did not know that I was homesick – he probably thought I was just being a brat and a pain in the ass (which I was)

About a month ago, I fell terribly sick and went to the doctor. The doctor diagnosed me with flu and stress, and the stress part didn´t make any sense at all until I started researching all my symptoms. Ironically, a few days after the diagnosis, I met a Nigerian living in Germany and he was proper homeboy in Germany! Black Africans obviously stand out in our part of Germany and did homeboy not greet me like we were in Africa?! That greeting warmed my heart so much, I had tears flood down my face because everyone minds their own business here, and no one will shout `hello my sister, how are you?´ from the other side of the street. He even invited my partner and I to the Nigerian community get-togethers in the city.

After much thought, I have decided to be myself again. I have decided to shop and dress up for EVERYTHING like I usually do back home. I have decided to put on makeup for no reason, make new friends and allow myself to be regardless of the price tag (pray with me). I will also embrace German as my new language and culture. Germany is a great country, and Europe is a beautiful continent with a spectrum of human beings, and THIS IS HOME. I have decided not to look at my bank statement till I am back in South Africa for our annual holiday, and I will live my best life because the goal is still 35 countries by 35 years old. 
I should also mention that my very awesome NDODA emadodeni (man amongst men) has been kind enough to give me a shopping allowance - I wish you all know how happy that makes me because I have been spending over 250 Euros a week on turtle necks, jerseys, scarfs and sparkling water.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk... see you at the next update (HAHAHA!)

Comments

  1. Unknown24 January 2019 at 22:48

    Aow babe, I had no idea. I feel like such a bad friend. But yes, I agree look your best... it'll eventually sink into your inner being - lol. Plus you're so resilient, you got this.

    -Tjana

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Rediscovering My Voice: A New Chapter in Life, and Growth

-
A few years ago, I embarked on this blogging journey with the simple intention of sharing my experiences—whether it was through travel stories, lifestyle tips, or documenting some personal milestones as a South African expat living in Germany (Yes Dona, I'm an expat not an immigrant). At that time, my life seemed straightforward, and the blog felt like the perfect platform to express that. However, as the years passed, so much has changed, and I’ve evolved in ways I could have never imagined.  Since my first post, I got married and became a mother—life events that were both beautiful and deeply transformative. Along the way, I also experienced the challenges of birth PTSD and postpartum depression, realities that were far more difficult than I anticipated. Seeking help, I began therapy, a step that truly changed my perspective on mental health and self-care. I've also traveled more, faced unexpected health issues, and tried to balance the ever-growing list of roles I now occupy...
Read more

LET´S TALK ABOUT SEX

-
A generation or two ago, many young people of African descent - both at home and abroad - lament their parents' prudish attitudes towards sex. Most of them grew up around parents who never displayed their affection for each other in front of them, parents who never talked to them about sex except to warn them to abstain before marriage or they would be disowned. Sex was generally not spoken about in public, that is unless it was in socially sanctioned public spaces, but these spaces were very important. The spaces tended to be initiation ceremonies, where the youth officially became adults and had the knowledge and expectations of society imparted to them. Or they were marriage rites, in which pretty much the same thing happened. These initiation ceremonies were like schools in which the youth were taught society’s rules, culture and even history. The sexual aspect was just one part of it. This form of education took on various forms, but one similarity between them was that the...
Read more

She's born... now what?

-
Image
I thought I’d feel a gush of emotions when our daughter was born, but I honestly felt none of that, mainly because our baby came into the world in every way I had hoped for it not to happen. All I thought about was the horrible experience I had going through Gynae visits alone, being in the hospital alone and being induced and laboring alone because of the covid pandemic and all the restrictions. I had also hoped, prayed, and prepared for a vaginal birth, but here I was in an ice-cold theatre room, shivering like a vibrator while being stitched up. I couldn’t do skin-to-skin, I couldn’t latch her onto my breast, I couldn’t even touch her cause my hands were placed like Jesus on the cross in Calvary.   I don’t know if I mentioned that my husband cannot stand the sight of blood. He sees a drop of blood and he’s ready to faint, so the surgeon suggested that after our daughter is born and I had seen and touched her for a few minutes, my husband would take her out to the recovery su...
Read more